Envisioning

Relationships are challenging sometimes. I have had my moments of despair and in the past (relationship) I looked for an out. It was not a good relationship for me and it was necessary for me to leave, but now I am in a not so new relationship and I am looking for another way. I don’t want to look for an out. I don’t want to consider that as an option unless all other options have been exhausted. To help prevent going down that road at all I have changed my approach to my partner and I have chosen to accept her for who she is. Some days I do better at it than others but, in doing so, I envision my future with her. It’s as simple as that. I know that there are always things that piss me off if I look for them. They do not constitute serious issues, but if I spend everyday pissed off, it will be enough to make me wonder what I am doing. So, I don’t bother. I just stopped thinking about life with out her and we are better. She talks a bit more, and we are more connected. Things are far from perfect, but I do not see that those things add up to anything significant. My life with her is good, and perhaps I can make it better.

 It is also possible that I can take the same approach with other elements of my life. I can pursue a formal practice and envision my life with all of the elements that have become important to me; elements that express who I am and relationships that define the person I have become. There is self beyond the ego, but in the day-to-day world, ego is present. Should my life not express that? I confess that I am attached to it, but maybe I can let it go and it will not change fundamentally in quality. I know nothing! But perhaps by taking it slow, I can watch what happens, not get freaked out, and make good decisions along the way. .