I have two lives. One takes place in a realm of consciousness where everything is normal. I look for work that I like and is fulfilling, I earn a living, I buy stuff, go out with friends, drink, eat, look for more stuff to buy, work harder to earn more money, and then I spend more time coveting my stuff because I have worked so hard to obtain it…but it’s good stuff, I have good people and I am basically happy.
In my other life, I don’t care about work, I don’t care about stuff, I am convinced that the practicalities of urban life will be taken care of (my other self thinks this self is delusional), I don’t drink because I don’t like how it makes me feel, I have good friends, and all I want is to be more connected to myself and others. I want to understand who I am and how, at times, I slip into unity consciousness, and how to make that process even more fluid and grounded than it has been.
The common element in both is my relationships. This is the link. These two lives are sometimes at odds with each other but are always connected through the people. The me that is grounded in concrete material life wonders if we are all connected to something greater than ourselves, while the me that is sometimes lost in experience wonders if the 'greater is that we are connected to each other.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Friday, January 20, 2012
Friday, August 12, 2011
Love and Relationships
I have spent a lot of time thinking about love, the nature, or perhaps substance, of love, the different types of love etc. It seems to me that love is just love. There is no special form reserved for some people over others. There are certainly different ways of expressing love, but that doesn’t change the sense, or the sensation.
It does seem to me that there are different types of resonance though. When I look at my relationships, it is as though I send out a signal that echoes back to me at different frequencies and those frequencies determine the depth of that relationship. That is not to say that it determines the nature of the relationship because, to me, that happens by choice. I have chosen intimate relationships with people whom have echoed a rather superficial signal, and I have chosen relationships with people that were much more superficial even though they reflected a much more dynamic and multifaceted signal.
It depends a lot on energy, and how much I have to put into a relationship and whether or not I am looking for something in particular. Sometimes life gets a little out of balance and the energy someone brings can even things out and take the edge off of a level of incongruity that can arise, making life a little easier to handle.
It does seem to me that there are different types of resonance though. When I look at my relationships, it is as though I send out a signal that echoes back to me at different frequencies and those frequencies determine the depth of that relationship. That is not to say that it determines the nature of the relationship because, to me, that happens by choice. I have chosen intimate relationships with people whom have echoed a rather superficial signal, and I have chosen relationships with people that were much more superficial even though they reflected a much more dynamic and multifaceted signal.
It depends a lot on energy, and how much I have to put into a relationship and whether or not I am looking for something in particular. Sometimes life gets a little out of balance and the energy someone brings can even things out and take the edge off of a level of incongruity that can arise, making life a little easier to handle.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Energy and Values
I don’t think it is possible to figure out who we are without addressing our values because it took me a while to get a handle on what the term ‘values’ actually meant. I couldn’t quite get my head around the idea that people have values. However, the idea that people value things made sense. For me this is the difference between determining what I think my values are as compared to what they actually are. I figured out what I valued by taking a look at how I spend my time. It was very easy for me to say that I value my health, but really I didn’t. Other than the basics of physical health, I did nothing to ensure that I would be a sane, balanced and happy person. As a result, I also lost my physical health. I guess sometimes you have to hit bottom before you really wake up. Anyway, once I started looking at what I was actually doing, it became very clear...painfully clear at times. Once I started realizing what I was doing I could make some changes. The approach is not unlike budgeting; you prioritize your spending and make decisions based on what is most important.
Determining what is going on right now is a matter of looking at how I spend my time. Saying that I value, my relationship with a particular person, for example, does not make it so. If I don't spend meaningful time with him/her then in reality, that relationship is not what I value, regardless of how much I say I want it. Desires are not values.
Anyway, these are the sorts of conflicts that seem to drain energy. I found myself exhausted and I didn’t know why (and neither did my doctor). To me, there are only a few things that make up the foundation of health and, once those things are in place, everything else falls into place as well. That is not to say that it is easy; it is not. It is easier now because the process is more a part of who I am, but it is still challenging because when I decide I want something, I start to change how I do things, which disrupts the status quo. Although I generally like that, the people in our lives can expect us to be a certain way...and they can become quite upset when we change how we do the things they expect us to do. It can involve some challenging decisions and always involves letting go of something. The emotional side is....dynamic, but it is part of what makes me feel alive.
It seems that coordinating my actions with my values turned out to be perhaps the highest form of integrity, and the result is energy. I am not sure if energy is freed up from the lack of internal conflict or if there is something in the process that generates energy. Sometimes it sure seems like both.
Determining what is going on right now is a matter of looking at how I spend my time. Saying that I value, my relationship with a particular person, for example, does not make it so. If I don't spend meaningful time with him/her then in reality, that relationship is not what I value, regardless of how much I say I want it. Desires are not values.
Anyway, these are the sorts of conflicts that seem to drain energy. I found myself exhausted and I didn’t know why (and neither did my doctor). To me, there are only a few things that make up the foundation of health and, once those things are in place, everything else falls into place as well. That is not to say that it is easy; it is not. It is easier now because the process is more a part of who I am, but it is still challenging because when I decide I want something, I start to change how I do things, which disrupts the status quo. Although I generally like that, the people in our lives can expect us to be a certain way...and they can become quite upset when we change how we do the things they expect us to do. It can involve some challenging decisions and always involves letting go of something. The emotional side is....dynamic, but it is part of what makes me feel alive.
It seems that coordinating my actions with my values turned out to be perhaps the highest form of integrity, and the result is energy. I am not sure if energy is freed up from the lack of internal conflict or if there is something in the process that generates energy. Sometimes it sure seems like both.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Envisioning
Relationships are challenging sometimes. I have had my moments of despair and in the past (relationship) I looked for an out. It was not a good relationship for me and it was necessary for me to leave, but now I am in a not so new relationship and I am looking for another way. I don’t want to look for an out. I don’t want to consider that as an option unless all other options have been exhausted. To help prevent going down that road at all I have changed my approach to my partner and I have chosen to accept her for who she is. Some days I do better at it than others but, in doing so, I envision my future with her. It’s as simple as that. I know that there are always things that piss me off if I look for them. They do not constitute serious issues, but if I spend everyday pissed off, it will be enough to make me wonder what I am doing. So, I don’t bother. I just stopped thinking about life with out her and we are better. She talks a bit more, and we are more connected. Things are far from perfect, but I do not see that those things add up to anything significant. My life with her is good, and perhaps I can make it better.
It is also possible that I can take the same approach with other elements of my life. I can pursue a formal practice and envision my life with all of the elements that have become important to me; elements that express who I am and relationships that define the person I have become. There is self beyond the ego, but in the day-to-day world, ego is present. Should my life not express that? I confess that I am attached to it, but maybe I can let it go and it will not change fundamentally in quality. I know nothing! But perhaps by taking it slow, I can watch what happens, not get freaked out, and make good decisions along the way. .
It is also possible that I can take the same approach with other elements of my life. I can pursue a formal practice and envision my life with all of the elements that have become important to me; elements that express who I am and relationships that define the person I have become. There is self beyond the ego, but in the day-to-day world, ego is present. Should my life not express that? I confess that I am attached to it, but maybe I can let it go and it will not change fundamentally in quality. I know nothing! But perhaps by taking it slow, I can watch what happens, not get freaked out, and make good decisions along the way. .
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