Energy and Values

I don’t think it is possible to figure out who we are without addressing our values because it took me a while to get a handle on what the term ‘values’ actually meant. I couldn’t quite get my head around the idea that people have values. However, the idea that people value things made sense. For me this is the difference between determining what I think my values are as compared to what they actually are. I figured out what I valued by taking a look at how I spend my time. It was very easy for me to say that I value my health, but really I didn’t. Other than the basics of physical health, I did nothing to ensure that I would be a sane, balanced and happy person. As a result, I also lost my physical health. I guess sometimes you have to hit bottom before you really wake up. Anyway, once I started looking at what I was actually doing, it became very clear...painfully clear at times. Once I started realizing what I was doing I could make some changes. The approach is not unlike budgeting; you prioritize your spending and make decisions based on what is most important.


Determining what is going on right now is a matter of looking at how I spend my time. Saying that I value, my relationship with a particular person, for example, does not make it so. If I don't spend meaningful time with him/her then in reality, that relationship is not what I value, regardless of how much I say I want it. Desires are not values.

Anyway, these are the sorts of conflicts that seem to drain energy. I found myself exhausted and I didn’t know why (and neither did my doctor). To me, there are only a few things that make up the foundation of health and, once those things are in place, everything else falls into place as well. That is not to say that it is easy; it is not. It is easier now because the process is more a part of who I am, but it is still challenging because when I decide I want something, I start to change how I do things, which disrupts the status quo. Although I generally like that, the people in our lives can expect us to be a certain way...and they can become quite upset when we change how we do the things they expect us to do. It can involve some challenging decisions and always involves letting go of something. The emotional side is....dynamic, but it is part of what makes me feel alive.

It seems that coordinating my actions with my values turned out to be perhaps the highest form of integrity, and the result is energy.  I am not sure if energy is freed up from the lack of internal conflict or if there is something in the process that generates energy. Sometimes it sure seems like both.

From reaction to action

I wrote this a while ago, but it has recurring relevance. Periodically, life seems out of sync and things don’t go the way I want or expect. Getting back on track is not rocket science, but it seems that I need reminders from time to time. I enjoy finding notes from what seems like both a past self and a future self. I have memories and at the same time I am not there yet…

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If you focus your energy on what you want, you will get it. That is not to say that there are no things beyond our control: things certainly happen in our lives and to other people that can affect us deeply. Focus on what you want that is directly within our realm of influence. As you do this, you will realize how big your realm of influence is.

Make a list of what you want - even little things. The list will change and evolve over time because it is an organic process. For each item, make a list of the things you need to do and perhaps the things you need to do to do those things - overcoming obstacles, learning new things, etc.

Then live your day focused on what you want.　 It's like business. All efforts need to be focused toward business goals or the energy is wasted.

If you feel like you are spinning, you will stop. Your sense of direction will pull you to where you need to be; just focus… and when you catch yourself unfocused, just re-focus. It's skill development. Don't kick yourself for fucking it up, just go back to it. You can't do it wrong, just re-focus and in so doing you move from a reactive state to an active state.

Energy Part 2

This spring I was quite drained. The main cells were charged, but the day-to-day cells were consistently empty. I can do this for a while, but I will run into trouble if I keep it up. Fortunately the sun came out a couple of weeks ago and we had some glimpses of summer. Now I have more energy than I know what to do with, and I have to find an outlet. I have started cycling more. I set an objective of 2500km for the season and, even with all the rain and sometimes wind, I am on track to meet my target. I also hope to do some hiking, but I also need a project. My contract ended almost three weeks ago and I have not found something to replace it. I oscillate between wanting the time off and wanting to work. I certainly have the energy to work, so I guess I should get out there and find something. If , when I find something I decide I need more time, I can negotiate my start date. They need to staff the job I had, and I am being considered for it, but time will tell. I would really like for that to happen, but there are not guarantees. I would like a guarantee for a change….

Energy is a funny thing. When I have a lot of it and no obligations, it eats away at me to varying degrees. I work at physical expression, creative expression, career development and trust, but it’s pretty rare that I have all the plates spinning at the same time. I put a lot of energy into keeping the plates spinning. Maybe everybody does. I have realized (again?) in the last week or so, that I really don’t know what life is like for other people. I only ever see the surface…events, activities, disruptions, challenges…. But what goes on under the surface actions, reactions and emotions. Sometimes I feel like the only person who wants to know about that. I am sure I am not, and I can take an educated guess as to why I think that, but for now it is my reality. My questions are sometimes about how I feel and why, but more often my questions are about who I am, why my life seems to be a completely different life when something I perceive as negative happens to me. I wonder why sometimes it affects me deeply enough that, although I remember my ‘other life’, I have not deep connection with it, while other times those events are little more than a ripple on the pond.

I know how to get my other life back; I know how I developed it in the first place, and I know how I maintain it, so I am not worried. However painful this is now - walking the line between functional and not quite depressed - I find myself trying to stay in it, rather than transform it. I keep sensing that I have unfinished business. This is an older self. I wonder if there is something here for me to find. I am also wondering if I need some help. Keep wondering and I keep not looking. I am not willing to make random enquiries, but perhaps if I ask around I can find someone suitable…

Energy

One of my biggest energy drains occurs when I am in conflict with myself. It seems to me that we build our lives and realize that many of the things we have engaged in do not have value that we thought they would. They lack that ‘something’ that brings meaning and fulfilment. 
I look at my life and want it to be an expression of myself - the things, the things I do and my accomplishments. When life wasn't - when it was something that happened to me (or so I thought) - I was deeply unhappy. Until I understood more about who I was, I couldn't find a way of being that felt congruent. It makes sense; congruency is relative. If I don’t have a starting point (me) there is nothing for something else to be congruent with. The simplest things can be the hardest to realize. It always starts with me; this life is mine to fashion in my own vision and the more I discover about myself, the better it gets.

To figure this out to the degree I have (I certainly don’t have it all figured out), the questions were simple (as in ‘uncomplicated’ not as in ‘easy’). Who am I, and how do I define myself? As I stripped away the layers of body, activities, behaviours, emotions, baggage, relationships, etc., I found my self in the time before thought. I found that my self is actually a state of peace and certainty. That took a while, but what helped me find me was focusing on the things that made me feel good - part of a job, specific types of interactions and certain activities. I analyzed, reorganized and looked for new ways to do things so that I would feel happier, more fulfilled by how I spend my time. In doing so, I had more energy. This is on my mind today because I have a friend whom I think might be on the brink of burn-out. She is very resilient, resourceful, determined and hard-working, but sometimes to her own detriment. She is starting to talk about seeing a cycle, but there is more to than that... but there are many things you should not say to someone until they provide some indicator that they are ready hear, and maybe see things from another perspective. Even then, it is sometimes better to let people do their own thing….as a result, I have a lot on my mind.

Energy