“Psychologists say we should have a number of major, long-range goals to have a healthy, fulfilling life. In addition, we need some medium-range goals with specific dates in mind for achieving them.” My questions for psychologists are these. “What’s the point? Accomplishment for accomplishment’s sake? If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, how would it matter what I have accomplished?” To say I don’t value my accomplishments would be a lie, but there is a sort of emptiness to them as well. I am one person on a planet of 7 billion other people. What’s the point? It’s not really my question, but that’s as close as I can get. My question is so much bigger than that, I don’t even know how to put it into words.
I work hard to pump money into my material existence and I am left with a lack of meaning. The pervasive question is “What’s the point?” This has been my question for a very long time. Although I thought I had figured out how to be happy, it seems that I am missing something. The question is still there. This is not a whiney helpless sort of “what’s the point?”, it is a true quest to discover why am I on the planet. I set goals, I have good accomplishments, I like my work, I have good support, great people and lots of love in my life, but I am still looking for something.
The above mentioned psychologists may have it figured out for most people, but there are some pretty significant cracks in the plan, into which I am sure I am not the only one who has fallen. Who are the guides for the rest of us?
The purpose of this blog is to empty my head of the thoughts and ideas that occupy my mind and to find out what happens when I follow the threads instead of ignoring them. See the Intro, for...the intro.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a recurring theme in my life. For quite a while I have thought I was being drawn into formal practice, but now I am not so sure. I appreciate the peace that yoga and subsequent meditations bring, but even after a good 6 months of exploration, I am still dabbling. Sometimes I welcome a state of surrender and I feel good, sometimes I do not does not. I know enough about my self and my experience to know that thoughts are just thoughts - they are not reality. Reality exists apart from thought. I see it; I experience it and yet, it seems that I don’t know what to do with my knowledge / experience, perhaps because there is something I have not yet figured out. I don’t know.
Often I watch my thoughts spiral…sometimes up, sometimes out of control. I generally interfere and redirect before the crash and burn, but sometimes I can’t and the crash and burn is bad. Sometimes I can’t, I crash and burn and recover right away. It requires logic, discipline and focus to get myself back on track, but sometimes I can do it very quickly. It’s a bizarre state. It feels as though my brain is fucking with me. 25 minutes ago there was nothing good in my life, and that was my reality. Now I feel okay and this seems real. I know on many levels that my thoughts are not reality, yet I do not know what exactly is real.
Often I watch my thoughts spiral…sometimes up, sometimes out of control. I generally interfere and redirect before the crash and burn, but sometimes I can’t and the crash and burn is bad. Sometimes I can’t, I crash and burn and recover right away. It requires logic, discipline and focus to get myself back on track, but sometimes I can do it very quickly. It’s a bizarre state. It feels as though my brain is fucking with me. 25 minutes ago there was nothing good in my life, and that was my reality. Now I feel okay and this seems real. I know on many levels that my thoughts are not reality, yet I do not know what exactly is real.
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