Sunday, August 21, 2011

Energy Part 3

Energy flows. That’s just what it does. I have learned that if it is not flowing, it is because I have created barriers. Like water, it will move around obstacles, find the cracks or build up pressure until something pops and when the pressure builds up, it can get pretty painful.

Energy flows. This, I think, has become one of the guiding principles of my life. Learning how to leave it alone/get out of the way was/is quite a challenge because I have to understand everything. I always have to know why…which is probably making my life more difficult than it needs to be, but perhaps I will figure out how to simplify that later. The point is how to leave it alone and let it be. There’s not dealing with things and then there’s letting them be. Things are what they are for a reason and when I can respect that it becomes a lot easier for me to change my reactions, my perceptions and my focus. Doing that involves some respect, patience, a lot of compassion - three plates that are not always spinning at the same time…and by ‘not always’ I mean rarely.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Does thought cause?

I am thinking about looking for work. I need to do it soon, but for a long time I just haven't  been able to focus on what I want in terms of career growth. Though I know, in general, I dont expect to get what I want by accident, so I need to find some focus before I begin. I probably wont have to sustain it for a long time, but my experience indicates that it is necessary.

Used to think that making things happen my life was about understanding causal relationships. The consequences of my actions. Now I am not so sure. It doesnt seem causal anymore. Before thought there is pure potential. It seems to me that its not so much that the act of thinking that creates reality as much as that the act of thinking is creating. Thats it. There is nothing else; you think/create and it is, not sequentially but simultaneously. There is no causal relationship.

It also seems to me that it is not my awareness of something that makes something exist or not exist. If I am unaware of something about myself or my life then for me it does not exist, but for someone else it could... as plain as day and perhaps be very annoying. My awareness of something does not determine its existence, only my experience of it. If that is true then there is no causal relationship. I think / create and then I either experience it or I dontpartly depending on whether I create consciously or not. Is it then my belief that brings it into my realm of experience? Does it need to be believable? Do I make it believable by consciously creating and then establishing the steps I need to take?

Lately, I have had the feeling that I have set the bar too low. Part of me believes that these are the steps I need to take, but that I can take them fairly quickly. Then I look at the steps and question the necessity of some of them, and I wonder why, at particular stages, I did not imagine more for myself.
Part of me also believes that the big things take longer and take more energy. What if that is not true?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Love and Relationships

I have spent a lot of time thinking about love, the nature, or perhaps substance, of love, the different types of love etc. It seems to me that love is just love. There is no special form reserved for some people over others. There are certainly different ways of expressing love, but that doesnt change the sense, or the sensation.

It does seem to me that there are different types of resonance though. When I look at my relationships, it is as though I send out a signal that echoes back to me at different frequencies and those frequencies determine the depth of that relationship. That is not to say that it determines the nature of the relationship because, to me, that happens by choice. I have chosen intimate relationships with people whom have echoed a rather superficial signal, and I have chosen relationships with people that were much more superficial even though they reflected a much more dynamic and multifaceted signal.

It depends a lot on energy, and how much I have to put into a relationship and whether or not I am looking for something in particular. Sometimes life gets a little out of balance and the energy someone brings can even things out and take the edge off of a level of incongruity that can arise, making life a little easier to handle.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Life à la carte

It seems to me that we create our lives in every respect. As disturbing as that can be, and as disturbing as that was for me, as it came with the awareness of a huge responsibility and a good dose of guilt, it is pretty incredible too. Once I got past seeing the burden, I started to get glimpses of the entire realm of possibility. It is life à la carte; I have figured out that I can have what I want, when I want it! The catch seems to be that some of the items are like lots at an auction. You get what you want but you also get some things you don’t want. Perhaps this is, in part, a function of not fully envisioning what I draw into my life, but often it seems to be part of whatever lesson I need to learn. It can be unpleasant, but growing pains are.

But, I digress. I think that one of the reasons it was, and still can be, such a challenge for me is that accepting the possibility that I can be different involves accepting change. I have gotten quite good at accepting change when things are shit, but when things are going well it is not so easy. Why would I bother when things are going well? Because I have to. Things change. Everything changes. Change is probably the only constant in life, and even when everything is going well, things change. Accepting the realm of possibility means allowing things to flow in and out of my life. Hanging on to something, even if it is something good, means

1. It hurts more when it goes away

2. I have not allowed my life to get even better, and

3. I have focused my energy on the small picture and have not prepared myself for the next (good) thing to happen.

Basically, in this state, change happens to me and loss falls into the range somewhere between painful and shocking; I am at the whims of others and at the mercy of the forces in my life that I do not understand. However, whether I understand them or not, I have the recurring experience of discovering that I have more control than I give myself credit for. Creating is not just within my power, it is my responsibility. Even if I don’t take on the responsibility and consciously create, I still create. There is no escaping it. Inaction and inattention have just as much of an impact as action and attention, the difference being that I find myself one step behind and reacting instead of initiating. It is the difference between never knowing what to expect vs. things turning out to be what I expect.

I have realized that all things begin in the time before thought. Everything comes from somewhere. Thoughts seem to be the point of creation, but it begs the question as to where thoughts come from. I can’t say that I know, but I can glimpse that space before thought. Thoughts don’t just happen, we create or choose them from the entire realm of possibility. That space contains or is all things and nothing at all. It is pure consciousness, pure energy.