In the spring of 1991 I wrote that "long-term illness signalled the beginning of my identity crisis. I am not this body. I am not what I do. I no longer identify myself with my occupation. Being ill meant ‘doing’ nothing, which lead to feeling useless which translated as “I have no value”. What exactly is it that has no value? Of what importance is ‘doing‘? I can’t ‘do’ all the time. Do I lose my value during those times?”
It’s funny how things come full circle. I am at a very similar time in my life. Though this is more of an existential crisis than an identity crisis, some of the questions remain. Where does a sense of value come from? What am I supposed to do? I have been relatively inactive for a while now, hoping that I will find my inspiration somewhere, but I haven’t, so that leads me to believe that I need to do something. However, just keeping busy is not very satisfying. I would like to at least have a sense that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, or heading the right direction. When that happens things feel right, opportunities arise, things fall into place and flow smoothly. That does not seem to be happening right now.