Wednesday, June 8, 2011


One of my biggest energy drains occurs when I am in conflict with myself. It seems to me that we build our lives and realize that many of the things we have engaged in do not have value that we thought they would. They lack that ‘something’ that brings meaning and fulfilment. 
I look at my life and want it to be an expression of myself - the things, the things I do and my accomplishments. When life wasn't - when it was something that happened to me (or so I thought) - I was deeply unhappy. Until I understood more about who I was, I couldn't find a way of being that felt congruent. It makes sense; congruency is relative. If I don’t have a starting point (me) there is nothing for something else to be congruent with. The simplest things can be the hardest to realize. It always starts with me; this life is mine to fashion in my own vision and the more I discover about myself, the better it gets.

To figure this out to the degree I have (I certainly don’t have it all figured out), the questions were simple (as in ‘uncomplicated’ not as in ‘easy’). Who am I, and how do I define myself? As I stripped away the layers of body, activities, behaviours, emotions, baggage, relationships, etc., I found my self in the time before thought. I found that my self is actually a state of peace and certainty. That took a while, but what helped me find me was focusing on the things that made me feel good - part of a job, specific types of interactions and certain activities. I analyzed, reorganized and looked for new ways to do things so that I would feel happier, more fulfilled by how I spend my time. In doing so, I had more energy. This is on my mind today because I have a friend whom I think might be on the brink of burn-out. She is very resilient, resourceful, determined and hard-working, but sometimes to her own detriment. She is starting to talk about seeing a cycle, but there is more to than that... but there are many things you should not say to someone until they provide some indicator that they are ready hear, and maybe see things from another perspective. Even then, it is sometimes better to let people do their own thing….as a result, I have a lot on my mind.

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