I have come to realize that how I feel about things influences my thoughts in ways that are very important to be conscious of. I think I am becoming aware of ways I hold myself back by how I feel or what I believe, but I don‘t quite see them clearly.
I am currently looking for work and have been for a while. I have been shifting my career focus and things had been working out well, giving me the impression that I am doing what’s right for myself, but things seem to have changed. Though I still enjoy the work and continue to look in my desired area, things are not flowing as they have in the past and I am beginning to feel quite stuck. If I look closely I can feel that I have shifted. Somewhere along the way I stopped taking for granted that this was the right thing for me, and I stopped moving forward blindly and blissfully.
A few of months ago I started to ask myself bigger questions again. I started wondering what the point was. I started asking myself why I am on the planet. I started waking up to the fact that, although my work is enjoyable, it does not satisfy me to a significant degree. The words “dare to be extraordinary” entered my consciousness and would not leave. I tried to convince myself that I could be extraordinary in my work but, although that is certainly true, the dare does not nullify the quest to find the point.
During this seemingly huge transition I am looking for activities that resonate with something inside me, so that I can feel some relief from the intense dissatisfaction that permeates my being. I keep trying to move forward, to identify the things that are out of sync and to right them so that I can continue to move forward. I seek to understand myself, how I think and why I do things the way I do, and I try to understand my experience and my energy in a way that builds cohesion. I sometimes have a perspective on my life from which I am whole. When I don’t see it, I can still feel that it exists, but from my current vantage point I still see fragments.