Monday, December 19, 2011
It is my experience that when one thing in life changes, other things (and people) are forced to changed in some way. From this I have come to believe that change/growth is transition that causes a lot of pain and results in loss, and although I wonder if it really has to be that way, I cannot comprehend how it could be different. The most I can do at this point is suspect that it could be different and that my experience is not what everyone experiences.
This belief is part of what makes my current process, which I know is changing me on a fundamental level, so difficult. Though there are many things I want to change and am working toward, I don’t really want my life to change drastically. Particularly with regard to the people in my life that I hold dear, I am trying take it slowly so that I can make my decisions consciously as much as possible. My attitudes are changing and it is not my desire to keep quiet about it, but I do find myself holding back when I am among people whom I believe hold differing views, or whom I am quite certain, just won’t get me. This is not good for me. Though a harsh and controversial approach to communicating is not going to bode well, and I know I can be tactful, there is still risk involved. In some respects I feel like a bit of a square peg. My environment hasn’t changed, but I am no longer round.